Why do we always take things personally?
Publicado por Patricio Varsariah el martes, noviembre 7, 2017
There are many viable and valid answers to the question of why we take things personally. But the only one that I have found as the most common is the tendency that we all have to put ourselves at the center and to see everything: each event, conversation, circumstance, etc., from the point of view of how it relates to us. And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling hurt when other people are rude, to feeling bad for ourselves when things do not go according to plan, to doubting ourselves when we are not perfect.
Of course, we are not really at the center of everything. This is not how the world works. Sometimes it seems that way. Let's take a quick look at some examples ...
Someone breaks into the room in a bad mood, panting and snorting, and addresses us in a very rude way. We immediately thought to ourselves, "What is going on here? I do not deserve to be treated like that, you should know better!" And we were agitated, offended and angry. But the truth is that the other person's behavior has very little to do with us. They got angry with something outside the room, and now they are reactively expressing their frustrations. We are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. This does not really justify his rude behavior, but he needs to be consciously acknowledged so that we do not waste all our mental energy by positioning ourselves at the center of the situation and taking everything personally.
Now, suppose for a moment that a person's actions really seem to relate to us directly: inadvertently we did something that bothered someone, and now they are reacting very rudely to us. A situation like this may seem personal, but is it really that way? Is the magnitude of your rude reaction about us and the only thing we did to unleash them? No, probably not. For the most part, it is simply a statement about the other person's reactions, hasty judgments, anger problems, and the expectations of the universe. Again, we are only a small part of a much longer story.
And in the same way, when someone else rejects us, they ignore us, they do not call us when they said they would, they do not show that they care, etc. ... these reactions have much less to do with us than they have to do with another person's personal history.
But because we see everything through a lens of how it affects us, a lens that does a poor job of looking at the big picture, we tend to react to the actions and words of others as if they were a judgment or personal affirmation About us. Therefore, the anger of other people makes us angry. The lack of respect from other people makes us feel unworthy. The unhappiness of other people makes us unhappy. And so it goes on.
If you're nodding to some of this, it's time to really remember that: What other people say and do, and the attitude they have rarely have anything to do with you. The reactions and behaviors of people are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences. If people treat you as if you were amazing, or if you act as if you were the worst, again, it is more about them and how they are seeing the world at a given moment in time.
Now, I am certainly not suggesting that we should completely ignore all the comments and opinions we receive from others. I simply say that a significant percentage of the emotional pain, disappointment and sadness in our lives come directly from our tendency to take things too personally. In most cases, it is much more beneficial and healthy to put aside the beliefs and behaviors of other people and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.
The key is to remind yourself to divert gracefully the senseless negativity that surrounds you. When you feel that negativity is coming to you, give it a little push with a thought like: "That comment (or gesture) is not really about me, it's about you". Remember that all people have emotional problems with those they are dealing with (like you), and it makes them challenging, rude and downright thoughtless at times. They are doing the best they can, or they are not even aware of their problems.
In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like a dog barking in the distance, or a buzzing bumblebee) that you can respond gracefully or not answer at all.
But, again, this is not natural, NOT taking things personally is a skill that must be perfected. Calmness is a superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps the mind clear and the heart at peace. Even when it seems personal, people rarely do things for you, do things for them. You may not be able to control all the things that people tell you and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
There is a great amount of freedom that comes to you when you separate yourself from the beliefs and behaviors of other people. The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours. People often do things and say things because they have been conditioned, not because they consciously want it.
You can not control how people receive your energy. Whatever someone interprets, or projects about you, is at least partially a problem or problem that they themselves are dealing with.
Take constructive criticism seriously, but not personally. Despite what he hears from others against what he knows in his heart to be true. If you are willing to see other people's behavior as indicative of your relationship with yourself, you will inevitably take things less personally. If you really want to improve your self-confidence, and self-esteem, stop letting other people be responsible for them. Stop letting other people dominate your emotions.
All the hardest and coldest people you've ever met were as soft as a baby. And that is the tragedy of living. So, when people are rude, be nice, be careful, be the best. Give those around you the "rest" that you expect the world to give you on your own "bad day" and you will never regret it.
Patricio Varsariah
There are many viable and valid answers to the question of why we take things personally. But the only one that I have found as the most common is the tendency that we all have to put ourselves at the center and to see everything: each event, conversation, circumstance, etc., from the point of view of how it relates to us. And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling hurt when other people are rude, to feeling bad for ourselves when things do not go according to plan, to doubting ourselves when we are not perfect.
Of course, we are not really at the center of everything. This is not how the world works. Sometimes it seems that way. Let's take a quick look at some examples ...
Someone breaks into the room in a bad mood, panting and snorting, and addresses us in a very rude way. We immediately thought to ourselves, "What is going on here? I do not deserve to be treated like that, you should know better!" And we were agitated, offended and angry. But the truth is that the other person's behavior has very little to do with us. They got angry with something outside the room, and now they are reactively expressing their frustrations. We are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. This does not really justify his rude behavior, but he needs to be consciously acknowledged so that we do not waste all our mental energy by positioning ourselves at the center of the situation and taking everything personally.
Now, suppose for a moment that a person's actions really seem to relate to us directly: inadvertently we did something that bothered someone, and now they are reacting very rudely to us. A situation like this may seem personal, but is it really that way? Is the magnitude of your rude reaction about us and the only thing we did to unleash them? No, probably not. For the most part, it is simply a statement about the other person's reactions, hasty judgments, anger problems, and the expectations of the universe. Again, we are only a small part of a much longer story.
And in the same way, when someone else rejects us, they ignore us, they do not call us when they said they would, they do not show that they care, etc. ... these reactions have much less to do with us than they have to do with another person's personal history.
But because we see everything through a lens of how it affects us, a lens that does a poor job of looking at the big picture, we tend to react to the actions and words of others as if they were a judgment or personal affirmation About us. Therefore, the anger of other people makes us angry. The lack of respect from other people makes us feel unworthy. The unhappiness of other people makes us unhappy. And so it goes on.
If you're nodding to some of this, it's time to really remember that: What other people say and do, and the attitude they have rarely have anything to do with you. The reactions and behaviors of people are about their perspectives,
Now, I am certainly not suggesting that we should completely ignore all the comments and opinions we receive from others. I simply say that a significant percentage of the emotional pain,
The key is to remind yourself to divert gracefully the senseless negativity that surrounds you. When you feel that negativity is coming to you, give it a little push with a thought like: "That comment (or gesture) is not really about me, it's about you". Remember that all people have emotional problems with those they are dealing with (like you), and it makes them challenging, rude and downright thoughtless at times. They are doing the best they can, or they are not even aware of their problems.
In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like a dog barking in the distance, or a buzzing bumblebee) that you can respond gracefully or not answer at all.
But, again, this is not natural, NOT taking things personally is a skill that must be perfected. Calmness is a superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps the mind clear and the heart at peace. Even when it seems personal, people rarely do things for you, do things for them. You may not be able to control all the things that people tell you and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
There is a great amount of freedom that comes to you when you separate yourself from the beliefs and behaviors of other people. The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours. People often do things and say things because they have been conditioned, not because they consciously want it.
You can not control how people receive your energy. Whatever someone interprets, or projects about you, is at least partially a problem or problem that they themselves are dealing with.
Take constructive criticism seriously, but not personally. Despite what he hears from others against what he knows in his heart to be true. If you are willing to see other people's behavior as indicative of your relationship with yourself, you will inevitably take things less personally. If you really want to improve your
All the hardest and coldest people you've ever met were as soft as a baby. And that is the tragedy of living. So, when people are rude, be nice, be careful, be the best. Give those around you the "rest" that you expect the world to give you on your own "bad day" and you will never regret it.
Patricio Varsariah