No relationship can be effective or maintained under this approach where one always wins, and where only seek personal gain. In fact, under the selfish personality he hides someone unskilled in terms of emotional resources. It is a person unable to identify with those around them, and he always lives defending the loneliness and in adaptation. The heart of a selfish person is unable to see beyond the limits of his own breastplate. It is a rigid mind with the instincts of a child who has not gone beyond the stage of egocentrics, which meet their welfare needs and reaffirmation. At first, they may seem captivating. A emotional level we are surprised by the childish character close but where always seeks to be the center of attention, get our attention. They are more open at social gatherings and, his voice often heard above the others. However, we should not be deceived because their interest is purely instrumental.

It often tends to confuse self-esteem with being selfish. The person who loves himself is far cry from the selfish person. Since there are marked differences that indicate a real concern both to themselves and to those around them. When we inquire into the knowledge of ourselves own, we started to turn better understand others. Knowledge itself is the only way to be aware of all our limitations and our lack of acceptance; and all our fears underlying our behavior.

Selfishness and self-love, far from being identical, are actually opposites. The selfish individual is not love too much, but too little; in fact, he hates. This lack of love and care for yourself, which is nothing but the expression of his lack of productivity, leave it empty and frustrated. It feels necessarily unhappy and anxiously concerned start to life satisfactions he keeps getting. We commonly rooted idea that people are selfish narcissists. With the belief that these people only care about themselves, which are valued and love above all. However, the reality is very different, not only selfish people have difficulty loving others, but themselves as well.

We understand that a selfish person is one who is only interested in itself. Lack of respect and concern for the needs of others, is related to people mainly for its utility, and for the benefits that can be extracted from them. They set therefore instrumental relationships to meet their needs, regardless of the emotional component of people. It may happen that, in turn, fearing too involved in relationships and leave damaged. So, really, what we would be doing is running away from love.

The selfish person does not get satisfaction in giving, concern focuses mainly on what is going to receive in return. You can give the appearance that all this energy that centers itself is due to the love you have. However, all these actions involve a failure to love. Sees only herself or himself; judges all according to their utility; It is basically incapable of love. Does not that prove that concern for others and for oneself are unavoidable alternatives? It would be well if selfishness and self-love were identical. But that assumption is precisely the fallacy which has led to many erroneous conclusions about our problems.

Love to love, first love yourself and to love others. This is fundamental and is far from what is selfishness. Attend and listen to our own needs, giving them the value they deserve; It is a respect for self, essential to learn to love. Take into consideration by expressing our emotions and accepting them makes us more real people to interact easily from the privacy and trust. And not through fear of being damaged, which only leads to superficial relationships, where we add layers that prevent us from seeing our capacity to love. The idea expressed in the biblical "Love thy neighbor as thyself" implies that respect for one's integrity and unity, love and understanding of the self itself, can not be separated from respect, love and understanding another individual. The love of self is inextricably linked to love any other being.

Like the person who is selfish, he is incapable of love, it is no less a person who has a great concern for others, and that is completely dedicated to those around you, disconnecting itself. Thus he believes that feel so much love that is able to give to your needs. We deceive ourselves believing that we love. This example is easy to see in over-protective mothers and people who forget themselves to pay attention to others, and to be available when needed. They are people who turn in making the needs of others as their own. This form of love while it may be confused with good people, who are willing to give selflessly, and love your neighbor even so them. It is equally misleading that selfish in what is believed to be much like himself loves. Both forms of love are a delusion in which an exaggerated compensation for their inability to love is manifested.

It is easier to understand compared to the greedy selfishness concern for others, such as we find, for example, in an overprotective mother. While she consciously believes it is in loving end with his son, actually he has a deeply repressed hostility against the object of his concerns. His exaggerated care not obey an excessive love for the child or the child, but it must compensate its total inability to love. As we can see in the examples of selfish people and the people who are neglectful of themselves, are two ways in which there is no love for themselves, therefore there can be no love for others. It follows that my own person must be an object of my love just like it's someone else. The affirmation of life, happiness, growth and own freedom, is rooted in one's ability to love, that is, caring, respect, responsibility and knowledge. If an individual is able to love productively, he also loves himself; if only love others, you can not love at all.