I want to give a reply to the friend who wrote me telling me that he does not know how to overcome the blow of heartbreak.

A dear friend of my website, you are in an extremely painful situation; In fact, pain is part of our natural recovery process after any blow we receive in life, we must assume. It will touch you through very hard roads until you leave this place, and closing your eyes blindly walking while you dream of the unreal is not the fastest or healthiest way to overcome it.

Bury the pain is not positive: you have to pass the drink, digest it, be aware of what is actually happening and what awaits you, completely assume where you are to be sure to find the best way to get out of there and recover.

Lying by pretending that the penalty does not exist will only lead you to frustrate you and have consequences that affect you in the future; the first thing is to lose the fear of suffering, accept that there is no other option and start moving in the right direction. If you have been left and you are very bad the first thing you have to be clear is that, if you think that until now you have suffered a lot, surely that has been nothing compared to what awaits you. There are no fixed rules, no fixed deadlines, no way to know how much you have left. 

You will sink, even more, you will surrender again and again, for every small step forward there will be several backwards; and no one guarantees that you will find someone again, nobody can see the future to know if what awaits you will be better, no one has any idea what will remain inside when you go on with your life. Be prepared because this is an inner work that you will have to do only you, no matter how much you try to help you around.

What is happening to you now is a disease. The lack of love is something devastating, no one is safe from suffering this evil and even if you overcome it once there are no vaccines, nor any guarantee that you will not happen again. It can happen to anyone at any time, no matter how solid their relationship or how remote that possibility may seem; the only thing you can do about it is to enjoy what you have, surrender and give the best of you, live without fear, and if you happen to do what you have to do to heal and continue your way. Because the good news is that has a cure.

You can get out of this, completely; you can be absolutely happy again, you can again love with insanity, you can even be freer once you are aware that you have already overcome it once and are no longer afraid of it happening again, you can learn lessons very valuable in order to control the situation in the future and avoid repetition as far as possible. You have to take it seriously, follow the "therapy", apply and have discipline, but everything depends solely and exclusively on you. The responsibility for what happens to you from now on is only yours.

Before you start the healing process you have to hold onto the first two rules. We are human, not machines, and you will surely break them many times; but in those moments you yourself will know that you are not doing the right thing, and you will have to make an extra effort - which, better than you know already, will be very difficult - to recover them as soon as possible.

The first rule is the most important and you must constantly remember it: do not look back. Your partner is no longer your partner: he has left you, get into the head that is the past. It's not what you want, you wish none of this would have happened, but that's what there is. Your initial goal is not to recover it again, but to heal and rebuild your life; and once you are a healthy person, owner of herself and able to move forward without depending on anyone, we will see what your chances are and what you want to do with your future. We will talk about it later, for the moment become the idea that in your personal history there is a stage that has ended and everything that is the anchor in it is a drug that prevents you from moving forward to start as soon as possible to enjoy the new beginning. It is natural to be tempted to look back, but remember this: "back"

And the second rule, related to the previous one: do not trust you. I mean what you feel, what you think, your perceptions. The lack of love distorts what you think is reality, and when you break the first rule and you get assaulted thoughts of "how perfect my partner, how much I need it" you have to cut off that negative influence by saying "this is not real, my need it makes me distort the facts. " But it's not just about times when you can not avoid clinging to the past: while you're still in the healing process there will be other situations, such as when you meet someone new and maybe try to grab him even if in other circumstances you do not would interest

All this is easy to say, but maintaining discipline in such a case is very hard. It is like asking a drug addict not to try the drug that your body and your mind are crying out for when you have it on hand and the easiest thing is to surrender to it at any time ... When you just want to think about that person and everything else hinders you, when you need affection and self-esteem and you have a chance to satisfy that anxiety even if it is something immediate and long-term is a bad decision, ask you to ignore your nature is like asking a thirsty shipwreck not to drink salt water sea. 

It will be very difficult for you, you will fall and you will surrender, it has happened to us all, but you have to cut as soon as possible what you know is bad for you and when you can return to the right path.

Every day will be a little less difficult, but the advance will be so slow that it will seem to you that you do not move; and on the bad days when you have fallen back, you will think that all this is of no use. But inside you will know that yes, there is no other way; give yourself time, the way is, and that time will come when you see yourself and finally say "it's not over yet, but I'm not as I was."

Well, I have told you what has happened and what you feel, how you see things; it is time to talk about what is really happening.

We live looking for love. That they want us, that they respect us, that they approve us, that they consider us, that we like them, that they accept us, that they give us that external complement to our own personal consideration. Even many of those who strive to convey an image of going against the current, to insist that they do not need anyone, perhaps even to seek rejection again and again, what they are doing is recognizing that they are not sure of themselves as to admit that they can enter into that quest and not find the affection of others; it is less difficult to give up the fight for loss by not wanting to fight than to try and fail.

So the love of those around us, in any of its forms, and our personal self-assertion are to some extent related; it is as if we let ourselves be "convinced" by others about how we are, changing the image we have of ourselves as we have more or less success among them. It is not the same to suffer a loss of love when we have great professional recognition, our friends and family value us very high and need us, we are recognized and admired, that when in general we do not have many abundant sources of affection outside our partner. And it is not the same as leaving us for reasons other than us (death, social difficulties, problems outside the relationship) to be changed by someone "better", to recognize us simply that they have stopped loving us,

Because we need to feel enough, and not enough for our own personal concept; the less strong the idea we have of ourselves, the more damage we get from that message-there is no one else-coming from someone we care about. We need love, and if we suddenly close the main source that provided us so far our immediate instinct is to look for it in that place that is where we have been obtaining it, the less important in our lives are the other sources, both internal and external, the more we will suffer and the more we will unconsciously seek that which has now dried up. 

What happens when we are left is logical: we become obsessed with our ex-wife, we idealize her, we miss her, we do not want to spend a second without her, we do not care about anything else and even bother about any other matter to think about, suddenly has passed from someone we wanted, in many cases with whom we had a "good" relationship without more, to become the most perfect, unrepeatable, wonderful, indispensable to be of the Universe.

Now comes to your mind the idea that there is no one like that person, we will never find anyone like her, nothing will be the same. The answer to this idealization, which would seem ridiculous if it were not because we suffer it, is in the two rules before: to start assuming that your perceptions are deceiving you because of the situation you are in and do not believe what you think and feel, and anyway anyway your ex is a perfect god right now is the past. Yesterday you enjoyed your divine illumination, but today it is no longer within your mortal reach; Concentrate on yourself, recover your life and take advantage of the best in your world from now on.