In our experiences, we learn the necessary, if that is our purpose, or we jump from crisis to crisis, if we evade the teachings that our experiences can bring. And learning is essentially changing. I have bequeathed that each human being must base every action of particular change on their autonomy -which means that each one can appropriate themselves, decide from the wisdom of their balanced feelings and emotions, assume their own direction -which is not the that their parents and relatives have established, nor the traditions of the past - many patterns of that languid archive of routines no longer have meaning or utility, nor the rigid belief systems of the society in which we grew up, nor the threatening norms of the organizations called religious - although yes, at all times, their consciousness of being that is a unitary expansion of God. And that autonomy to act and relate harmoniously we can only realize it if we reach an adequate understanding of our experiences.

Normally, to decide how we act, we embrace our belief systems and give high priority to the interests, conveniences, pressures, demands or impositions of other people, or our ambition and obstinacy to achieve some result, disdaining or underestimating others; and on many occasions we also rely on what is established-relying on the disastrous popular paradigm that "It is better known bad than good to know" -even though the same people express at the same time that "Better only than badly accompanied".

Possibly that cult of conflict that we live so often comes from a negative generational habit inherited from our Hispanic and Latin ancestors, the task not made to strengthen peace and agreements from attitudes of respect and tolerance, which has remained pending. We can change, each of us, our own history and family history, modifying our attitudes and behaviors, assuming our self-esteem and confidence, our peace and our strength, letting go of some of our dependencies and cultural yokes.

Sometimes I have the impression that many people assume as love a repeated ambiguous feeling about their partners, their families, or the society that surrounds them, something like "I love you but I do not love you". After intimate or intimate interactions highly affective, our partners sometimes release comments or very hostile behaviors, or tendencies to judge us harshly or to control us, or to submit to their conditioning, or to want to own our lives. Or we accumulate as debts the disappointments they feel because we have satisfied their desires and aspirations and they charge us every so often -or in a final adjustment of accounts- assuming against us the dramatic roles of offended and resentful characters. And all these events lead us to a great confusion because they seem contradictory.

Deep knowledge of the essential conditions of love -not selfish and always objective- brings us back to sanity and leads us to believe that those fluctuating and unstable relationships, which seem unsound, reflect immature personalities interacting in difficult and imperative learning. My understanding of the illusions of love is very simple. "We believe we possess those who do not belong to us and then we believe that we lose those whom it was impossible for us to possess." And I also affirm that "a fundamental quality of love is the freedom we accept from other human beings and the freedom they accept for us." 

I am very clear in using the verb to accept and not the verb to grant because freedom in relationships is an attribute of our origin in God -the free will of each one-; if someone expresses that he grants others freedom, he presumes that he is superior to them or that they are inferior, when we are only different in our personalities, in the evolutionary manifestations that we can show through our acts and perhaps in the privileges that we show

Repeated attack and conflict do not express love; affective dependence and revenge purposes either; the poses of pride, resentment and arrogance much less. All the so-called "loving" behaviors on the altars of sacrifice and suffering are only the dramas of our egos. And people who repeat these habitual crises are reinforcing their routines of self-punishment and self-pity as time goes by, while they let go without realizing the meaningful and harmonizing love.

Surely when we get involved in those entangled and weathered "romances" of love-hate we live as tragic protagonists of the novels that with similar arguments reach mass audience because they move the audience's sensitivity and candor. Thus we do not achieve happiness or joy: we travel our tired, frustrated, hopeless, even depressed paths; and as we believe we advance, the Heaven that we wanted as a goal (and also the heaven we hope for as a reward) becomes increasingly distant and inaccessible to us. 

Patricio Varsariah.-