... heavy anchor chains
Publicado por Patricio Varsariah el martes, julio 21, 2015
This topic I wrote long time a go as a special message for trying to help reflect a change of address, unfortunately does not get the result she could never break the cycle of toxicity.Was written on mothers toxic, however, it is also noted that no toxic toxic parents and grandparents. Pillars in educating children away from foster personal growth and security with which to subsequently open to the world, only serve to anchor heavy chains completely vetoing physical and emotional independence of that person.
However, it notes that the role of the mother is almost always a stronger weight in the education of children. It is she who sets the bond of care and so narrow affection with that child, that day, will be shedding his arms to move safely through the world knowing beloved, bearing the reference that has brought unconditional love but healthy with which mature intelligently.
Toxic offer mothers love their children harassing while immature. Projected onto them personally to reaffirm his insecurities, and thus have greater control over their lives and that of their children - an unquestionable truth -
I ask myself: What's behind the personality of toxic mothers? We may attract attention, but behind the behavior of a toxic mother's love. Now, we all know that when it comes to talk about love, there are two sides of the same coin is that dimension capable of promoting the personal growth of the individual, whether at the level of partner or family level, and in turn, it is also the more toxic side where a selfish and interested love is exercised, sometimes suffocating, which can be completely destructive.
The worrying thing is that the family that display the wiles of toxicity, they do to adults with low self-esteem and creatures that are in the process of personal maturity, it is where to settle his personality, his self-esteem ... all it will sculpting big gaps in them, big insecurities sometimes insurmountable.
Mothers or fathers toxic sometimes usually hides a clear lack of self sufficiency which forces them to see their daughters "the lifeline" to which model and control to have on your side, to cover their shortcomings this It is unquestionably true.
See for example the daughters begin to be autonomous, that no longer need so much and gradually are able to make your life, they are great anxiety for them, because they fear above all be alone. Hence they are able to deploy "skillful tricks" to continue having close and even justify them to be so, and one way to do that is projected on the girl from the start his own unworthiness, and his own insecurity.
The need to have controlled every aspect of their lives, do they end up doing the same in the lives of their daughters. They fail to see the limits. For them, control is synonymous with security, immanent does not change, and what does not change is good because it makes them feel WAITER complex of this size it is that they are exercising control thinking thus do good and and show love for others. "I make you controlling your life easy things to make you happy," "I just want the best for you, and so you can avoid wrong" ...
See for example the daughters begin to be autonomous, that no longer need so much and gradually are able to make your life, they are great anxiety for them, because they fear above all be alone. Hence they are able to deploy "skillful tricks" to continue having close and even justify them to be so, and one way to do that is projected on the girl from the start his own unworthiness, and his own insecurity.
The need to have controlled every aspect of their lives, do they end up doing the same in the lives of their daughters. They fail to see the limits. For them, control is synonymous with security, immanent does not change, and what does not change is good because it makes them feel WAITER complex of this size it is that they are exercising control thinking thus do good and and show love for others. "I make you controlling your life easy things to make you happy," "I just want the best for you, and so you can avoid wrong" ...
The carried out since the justification of affection, control is the worst act of over protection. Thus we prevent children to be independent, capable and courageous. And yet, they learn from their mistakes.
Phrases that are repeated daily in this toxic environment from mother to daughter: "I want to get what I did not have", "I do not want to fall into my same mistakes", "I want you to become what I can not get" .that if "How dare you speak ill of your parents" if "they gave you life, you are an ungrateful" and other gibberish. You feel totally helpless hopeless because it seems there is no escape from the situation. Not only are suffering, or is that up because everyone can comment on your.¡Es you put your mother and you owe your life! and you do not ever again complain about any of your parents .. ugh .. it is difficult, because if you have low self-esteem, you feel guilty and think of your mother ... and not think, just realize that it's like that.
Sometimes toxic mothers cast their daughters unfulfilled desires of his own past, without asking if you want what they want, without giving option to choose, thinking that thereby they show unconditional love, when in reality, it is false love. A love interest one problems toxic people, know very well lie and pretend to look good in front of others and make you look to you as the bad guy. The roles are reversed and, in the eyes of everyone, the executioner becomes the victim and vice versa. the toxic mother is always super nice and friendly with everyone to be liked and have them on your side and then put them against whom he fell ill. Manipulative cream, pure and simple.
To deal with a mother or any "toxic" Family is important to be aware that you break the cycle of toxicity. You have lived long into it, you know the wounds left you, but now I understand that you need to open your wings to be yourself. To be happy. It'll cost you, but you should start saying "No" aloud to put your needs and boost your own walls, those for which no one should go, unfortunately that did not happen ... and I get depression and wonder and you answer: It's your mother, or your family, and you know you want to break that cycle toxicity can cause damage ....?
Sometimes telling the truth of what one feels hurtful to others, but is a vital necessity. This is only set boundaries and make clear what you allow or what not. You do not want to cause any damage, you should make it clear, as it should be recorded that either you want to be hurt anymore. For that failure, I failed to recognize manipulation. Sometimes it is so subtle that we do not realize, so the person must be alert to any word, any behavior. And above all, do not fall into the trap of "victimization", since it is an easy resource to which people usually turn toxic and toxic mothers and that's what happened ...
This toxic mother lifted as the hurt, the wound, when in fact, who have hurt was his daughter and the people who really offered him unconditional love. Unfortunately not taken into account and the damage was
irreparable and daughter could never break the cycle of toxicity.
Phrases that are repeated daily in this toxic environment from mother to daughter: "I want to get what I did not have", "I do not want to fall into my same mistakes", "I want you to become what I can not get" .that if "How dare you speak ill of your parents" if "they gave you life, you are an ungrateful" and other gibberish. You feel totally helpless hopeless because it seems there is no escape from the situation. Not only are suffering, or is that up because everyone can comment on your.¡Es you put your mother and you owe your life! and you do not ever again complain about any of your parents .. ugh .. it is difficult, because if you have low self-esteem, you feel guilty and think of your mother ... and not think, just realize that it's like that.
Sometimes toxic mothers cast their daughters unfulfilled desires of his own past, without asking if you want what they want, without giving option to choose, thinking that thereby they show unconditional love, when in reality, it is false love. A love interest one problems toxic people, know very well lie and pretend to look good in front of others and make you look to you as the bad guy. The roles are reversed and, in the eyes of everyone, the executioner becomes the victim and vice versa. the toxic mother is always super nice and friendly with everyone to be liked and have them on your side and then put them against whom he fell ill. Manipulative cream, pure and simple.
To deal with a mother or any "toxic" Family is important to be aware that you break the cycle of toxicity. You have lived long into it, you know the wounds left you, but now I understand that you need to open your wings to be yourself. To be happy. It'll cost you, but you should start saying "No" aloud to put your needs and boost your own walls, those for which no one should go, unfortunately that did not happen ... and I get depression and wonder and you answer: It's your mother, or your family, and you know you want to break that cycle toxicity can cause damage ....?
Sometimes telling the truth of what one feels hurtful to others, but is a vital necessity. This is only set boundaries and make clear what you allow or what not. You do not want to cause any damage, you should make it clear, as it should be recorded that either you want to be hurt anymore. For that failure, I failed to recognize manipulation. Sometimes it is so subtle that we do not realize, so the person must be alert to any word, any behavior. And above all, do not fall into the trap of "victimization", since it is an easy resource to which people usually turn toxic and toxic mothers and that's what happened ...
This toxic mother lifted as the hurt, the wound, when in fact, who have hurt was his daughter and the people who really offered him unconditional love. Unfortunately not taken into account and the damage was
irreparable and daughter could never break the cycle of toxicity.